Passive-Agressive BS= BAD... A little honesty=GOOD

Is anyone out there just tired of passive-aggressive BULLSHIT? Sorry for the blatant and probably "improper" description of my inability to deal with this crap any longer, but...For one day, I wish that everyone HAD to say what they really mean. Not that we would all have to say exactly what is in our heads, but...when we are asked a question, we answer honestly. When someone hurts or wrongs us, we tell them. And when we hurt or wrong others, they have the guts to tell us, instead of ignoring, the "silent treatment" (my personal favorite), the snide remarks, the talking about IT and YOU behind your back, or all the myriad of ways that people try to "get back" at you by manipulating....


It's probably obvious that an incident, or maybe just a LONG series of incidents, has sparked this sentiment. True...you got me..I am supposed to know that, as a Christian, I am only responsible for the way I respond, because I can't change others. Well, I'm having a hard time being a "good Christian" about a certain situation in my life right now. I have tried to tell a particular person that if they have an issue with me, to let me know...instead of all of the above behaviors and THEN SOME...but it continues...It's really sad that I am actually to the point of wanting to end the relationship completely, just mainly, I admit, out of self-protection. Today I could have walked away and never looked back...In this case, that would be difficult since this person is in the fam. I had a similar incident with a friend lately, who apparently had been angry and or hurt by something they felt I was doing and instead of saying anything, he just blew up at me out of nowhere and told me he was done making any effort in our friendship anymore. I admit, I can be clueless sometimes, but this person "prides" himself on "being honest" and regularly gripes about people, in general, not saying what they really mean!

I don't know if I made the right call by letting that end things between us or not. At the time, I was so shocked and a bit pissed at someone trying to manipulate me, that I let it go...let him go. I just don't need that in my life. It's sad that a friendship ended over it, especially one that had lasted almost 9 years, but I couldn't see having to prove myself to this person over and over again. As far as the family member with which I have the ongoing issue, it's not just between us. He drags others into the situation and it is causing strain on those relationships. I wish I didn't care about it, but it takes a toll on me. My relationship with this person, in turn, I believe, has colored the way I see God. Things haven't been that great in my spiritual life for quite some time and, in a way, I have started to see God as the Master Manipulator...using my circumstances and hurts to ultimately, get me to do what He wants. It made me wonder if I will ever or was I ever (?) loved, aside from my behavior...It makes me not want to be vulnerable to anyone, because I fear the same rejection, if I don't please that person. I hate that I think that. I hate that I let humans dictate how I feel about God, considering the relationship we have had in the past and that He is just NOT human! I miss Him, but I have kept Him at arm's length, because I know I have failed so much lately.

Maybe I'm just a big hypocrite...in fact, it's highly bloody likely. I'm just tired of living life based on what other people want and yet, am torn because of the maturity I am supposed to have in being able to forgive and live as if life does not just revolve around me. I'm tired of having regrets too..so...anyway...there it is...This time, even if it is just on paper, I'm saying what I mean, and hoping that it becomes a habit. Not in a "steamroller" kind of way that uses the truth to bludgeon people and as an excuse to say everything on my mind under the guise of "just being honest" (which is bullshit, too)...but maybe a little honesty will get me somewhere too.