The words I need, the words I pray......

I naturally tend to lean toward having a "melancholy" personality. And while at times, this can be beneficial in the area of creativity, it can lead to precision introspection. A little self awareness can be good, realizing why you think and do the things you do. But, at some point, SELF awareness is a little TOO self and a little LESS aware. Self-focused, self-conscious, self, self, self......Less aware of God, other people and their feelings, and anyone else's problems, concerns, and struggles in general. And shouldn't someone so self aware have all the answers and...... therefore, be able to overcome said issues and react to other people in the most loving and caring way???

Well, with all this analyzing going on....there's so much inside.... that NOTHING makes sense. And this is obviously frustrating for me, Miss Fix-it. I think God is teaching me, in not-so-subtle ways that.....that kind of fleshly coping isn't going to work anymore. And it hurts, sucks, etc....ad infinum. My prayers haven't been much of ANYTHING lately..almost non-existent.....more of a leaning on Jesus, who says that He is always interceding for me. Because for someone who always has an answer.....I have nothing to say..... And sadly...I still don't trust Him most days, to be praying for what I think I need. How prideful!

So, I turn to the words of the illustrious poet...aka songwriter Garrison Starr....


What makes you think...you gotta hold the world on your shoulders
and handle that load...
And who gave you...the fine-toothed comb to judge your every move
before you've even started to make one...

Hey girl, it's a beautiful day... for flying
Don't you want to open your eyes?...
You're dying....

Subtle was the way the clouds rolled in on you....to fog up your windows
and darken your view...
An unforgiving face who dared you to escape, living for the chance
to scare you back in place...

Hey girl, it's a beautiful day... for flying
Don't you want to open you eyes?...
You're dying....

It's no way.....to live so safe...
All wrapped up in my fears til I just suffocate
I will get through
if it's the last thing I do........

Hey girl, it's a beautiful day....for flying
Don't you want to open your eyes?..
You're dying...


It IS a beautiful day for flying.....I'm scared as hell, but I DO want to open my eyes...and not just to myself...to God, to others....
I hope that's what Jesus is praying for me....Wait....maybe those are all the words I need?....